


Tony Takes a Trip

by Buckybeardreams



Series: The Classifieds [28]
Category: Marvel Cinematic Universe
Genre: Angst, Bucky Barnes Needs a Hug, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Fluff and Angst, Little!Bucky - Freeform, M/M, Multi, Non-Sexual Age Play, baby!Bucky, caregiver!Sam
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-11-04
Updated: 2020-11-06
Packaged: 2021-03-08 19:21:08
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 9,055
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27211849
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Buckybeardreams/pseuds/Buckybeardreams
Relationships: James "Bucky" Barnes & Steve Rogers & Tony Stark, James "Bucky" Barnes/Steve Rogers/Tony Stark
Series: The Classifieds [28]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1898527
Comments: 18
Kudos: 64





	1. Chapter 1

The lab was bright and loud as music blasted, pounding in Tony's ears like the blood running through his veins. His eyes were bloodshot and dry. A bottle of liquor lay empty on the ground at the leg of his desk. He was hunched over the surface, toying with a prosthetic. At this point it was questionable as to whether he was helping or hurting the most recent model. Model number forty one.

His hands were steady, steadier than one might have thought they'd be, but his mind was barely there. It was like he was lost in a sea of thoughts, yet his hands were drawn to the metal arm like it was a magnet attracting him to it, pulling him in.

He continued to fiddle with it, feeling numb to the world. He was trying desperately to give the arm the ability to feel, to touch, to experience sensations. Ironically, he had lost his feelings somewhere along the way, the touch of his loved ones had slipped through his grasp, the experience of sensations left him when he drowned in that bottle of whiskey. All he saw, all he thought about, was the damn arm.

He was doing this for Bucky, but Bucky was slipping through his grasp like sand through his fingers. He was doing this, because maybe if Bucky had his arm, everything would go back to normal, and Steve would come back to them. Maybe everything would be okay again. He was doing this, because he was Tony Stark and this is what he did. He holed up in his lab and hid away, while tinkering with his inventions. He was a creator, an innovator, a futurist.

This is what he did.

Howard had always told him so. A man was only worth as much as they created. Stark's are made of iron. They don't cry. They don't fall apart. They certainly don't fall to the weakness of love. His hands faltered and he cursed, dropping his tools.

Obie would hate this. That mattered so much more than knowing Howard would hate it. Tony hated that he still cared what Obie thought about him, after all these years. After the betrayals and lies and pain. He still cared about his uncle. He still cared what the man thought about him. Still wanted him to tell him he's such a good boy, a genius. That he's proud of Tony for his latest creation.

Obie's words slip in through the cracks in his mind and fills up the spaces in between his thoughts, until all that's left is his words. They creep in when he's drunk. When his mind is muddled by sleep. When he's not being taken care of, because he's pushing everyone away and refusing to let them in.

He hasn't technically locked himself in his lab. People come and go every day. Bruce, Leo, Jemma.

Pepper stops by, but Tony refuses to talk about anything that doesn't pertain to Bucky's new arm. It's not important. Someone else can take care of it. R&D can handle it. He doesn't care. Not about anything. Well, that's not entirely true. He does care about Bucky. And Steve. And Sam. He cares about his family, and his friends. He wants this horrible distance to go away. This isolation to end.

He's convinced that this arm is the answer.

When Bucky has his arm back, everything will return to normal, won't it?

God, he hopes so. He needs it too. Otherwise he knows he will fall apart. He'll break. Shatter like a sheet of glass. A million tiny fragmented pieces, too tiny to put back together again. He needs this all to end and he doesn't know how to make it end. He just needs an answer that will fix it all. This arm is the answer. If he can just figure out how to make the damn thing do what he needs it to do.

The first twenty or so models were great.

He doesn't want great. He doesn't need great.

The last twenty or so models were phenomenal.

He doesn't want that either. What he needs is perfection. He needs to present the perfect arm. The missing piece of the puzzle piece that will put them all back together again. That will make him feel strong, like iron. Right now, he feels so weak and fragile, like glass. Which is why he's drinking.

He'd rather feel nothing at all, than feel this way.

He's so tired. Physically, emotionally, mentally exhausted. It's too much and not enough all at once. He needs it all to stop. It's overwhelming. He needs something, anything, because the emptiness is killing him. He told Steve this is killing him. He begged him to make things better, to fix this. He was met with apathy. Pushed away.

Bucky calls him Papa. Wants hugs and kisses and cuddles. Wants to be babied and held close. He tries. He really does, but it's too much. He can't be a dad. He was never meant to be a dad. He knows he'll be awful, just like his own dad was. He can't do that, not to Bucky. He especially can't do it alone.

Thank God for Sam. If Sam wasn't there, Tony would have truly collapsed under the pressure. He's okay to leave Bucky. He doesn't have to worry about the kid, because Sam does. Sam worries enough for all of them. Tony. Steve. They don't have to worry about Bucky. Not about whether he'll be cared for or loved, because Sam does that for them.

Sure, they worry about other things. Whether or not their relationship is over now. Whether or not everything around them is falling apart. Whether or not they deserve forgiveness and love. Whether or not they're good enough to be with someone like Bucky.

Bucky's so bright and shining. Full of light and love and overwhelmingly good. Tony feels so dark and tainted. Steve's emotions reflect his partners fears.

The ironic part, is that Tony and Steve see eachother the way they see Bucky, and Bucky see's them the way they see him. Bucky sees himself through the negative lense that they view themselves from. Sam, he sees them all for who they really are. He sees their potential, their hurt, their caring natures. Sam sees their virtues and their dark sides, and he's not disillusioned. He doesn't believe any one of them to be better or above the other. He just wants them to see themselves this way too.

Tony pushes away from his desk, and stumbles across the flat ground. His feet struggling to find footing on the even surface. He collapses on the couch in his lab, face down and too exhausted to move.

He's so tired. So terribly tired. He just wants it all to end.

Black Sabbath switches to Gregory Alan Isakov, as though the AI is intent on the music reflecting Tony's feelings. 'Words' the anthem to his broken heart. The song is soft and sweet. Bitter and heartwrenching. It fills him up with feelings that pour out through his eye ducts, as he sobs into the cushion and prays this all will end soon.

He never was a believer. Never cared much for prayer or foolish anecdotes meant to teach lessons, meant to be the antidote to lifes poisons. As far as Tony was concerned they weren't anecdotes. There was nothing short or true about the foolish tales told from long ago. Translated over and over again, until the original meanings are so skewed, they no longer hold any standing.

Yet, in that moment he prayed that if there was some God out there. Some being listening and watching him suffer. That they would hear him and put an end to all of his pain. Come daylight, he would find it to be pathetic that he fell to this. Now, he couldn't really care.

He thought about Bucky and how he so nonchalantly believed in things that Tony thought were ridiculous. He thought of Steve and how he was so deeply invested in beliefs that Tony could never possibly wrap his mind around. He thought that if he could just have them and Sam back. Just be a family again. That he would give or do anything for this God that his partners seemed to revere.

* * *

Tony had a massive hangover the next morning. He felt like he'd been to hell and back and wondered if he was being punished. He didn't believe in sins, but if he did he would be a sinner. Maybe the devil was punishing him. Or was it God who punishes you? The angels maybe? He wasn't sure how it worked, but the thoughts flitted through his mind as the contents of his stomach left him.

He was cold and shaky and felt like shit. Nothing was right. Nothing was okay. He was a mess, just like his life. How fitting really.

It took him most of the day to recover from his massive headache and the nausea that swirled in his gut. By the time he did, he was right back to it. Working on the newest arm. Model number forty-two.

He was almost relieved when Leo came in and broke his concentration, because he was getting nowhere. His mind was working in circles and he was pretty sure the arm was exhibiting the same problems that he'd already fixed in model thirty-eight. He felt like he was losing his mind.

Leo walked in, excited and talking a mile a minute, barely aware of how utterly exhausted Tony looked.

"I think I've figured out how to allow him to experience different sensations like cold and heat, and I'm working on textures now. Do you have time to go over a few things with me?" Leo asked.

"Yeah, go for it, kid." Tony said, eager to set aside the prosthetic he was currently struggling with.

"I'm not a- Nevermind. So anyway, Simmons and I were talking about it and she suggested attaching the arm to his central nervous system. That way it can truly work like a real one."

"His central nervous system? Your not suggesting-?" Tony trailed off, because there was no way that's what the kid was suggesting.

"Yes, I am. I think we should attach it to his spine, sir."

Tony narrowed his eyes.

"We're not equipped for spinal surgery. Find us a different solution." Tony said, waving his hand dismissively, before returning to the arm in front of him, albeit reluctantly and with a heavy sigh, that reflected the weight on his shoulders.

"Well, hold on. I haven't finished. We contacted the Head of the Science and Information Exchange in Wakanda and she's agreed to take a look at the arm and help us develop it. She also has the resources and experience required to do the surgery."

Tony waited until he finished and then raised a brow. He was constantly impressed by Leo and Jemma. They were smart kids. He was aware they weren't technically kids, but he scoffed when they tried to tell him they weren't that much younger than his own partners. They were off by almost a decade, so no, they were not the same age as his boyfriends, and Tony would definitely continue to call them kids, even when they were Big.

"Well done, kid. I'll have Pepper get in contact with her and we can head out in the morning. Why don't you take over for me here?"

"Why? What are you doing?"

"I'm going to tell my boyfriends the exciting news."

* * *

Things were still awkward between Steve and Bucky. Well, awkward wasn't really the right word, since it implied they had seen each other. Bucky had been released from the recovery ward a couple of weeks prior and spent most, if not all of his time at Sam's. The few occasions he had been Big, he went to the penthouse, instead of his and Steve's floor. As far as Tony knew, Steve hadn't dropped since Bucky came home and they hadn't seen eachother.

Tony was irritated that they were avoiding eachother and really wished they'd just talk things out, but he was trying his best to not push them into it. Well, really he was avoiding the whole issue by hiding out in his lab. If any one asked, he insisted that he was just working diligently on Bucky's arm, because that's what really matters at the moment.

He may have an answer to all their problems now.

"JARVIS, is Steve in the tower?"

"Yes, he's on the common floor, sir." The AI responded, immediately.

Tony was surprised to hear that.

He headed straight for him, when the elevator doors opened. Steve had also been distant with Tony, even more so when he mentioned that Bucky told him about the spanking. Tony hadn't seen him since then. Steve glanced up at Tony, before looking down in shame.

Tony rolled his eyes.

"Come on, Rogers, no one has time for your self-pity. Let's go."

"Tony-"

"No, shut up. I didn't say you could talk and I don't want to hear whatever stupid self-deprecating thing you're about to say."

Steve's mouth snapped shut, and Tony grabbed his arm. He tugged and Steve barely budged. Tony groaned in annoyance. Damn enhanced muscles.

"I'm gonna need you to work with me here, Cap. I don't have the strength required to manhandle a serum enhanced soldier, so move it."

Steve pursed his lips in distaste, but stood up and let Tony drag him to the elevator.

"Where are we going?"

"We're going to see our baby. You're being a shit parent, Rogers." Tony said, ruthlessly

Steve flinched and looked away from him.

"Steve. He's hurt. He lost an arm, and you're choosing now to fight with him about something that happened like, what, six years ago?"

Steve didn't answer. Tony sighed.

"I really don't care what happened between you two in the past. I just need you to suck it up and be present now."

"It's not that simple, Tony. I'm trying to do the right thing. I'm trying to do what I should have done then and couldn't. To give him space even though it hurts us both."

"What if he doesn't want space, Steve?"

"What if he does, but won't ask for it, because he doesn't want to hurt me? What if he doesn't want it, but that's what he needs?"

Tony groaned.

"I can't do this right now. Look, I'm going to Wakanda tomorrow to meet with someone who could very well provide the answers I need for Bucky's new arm. I need to know that you're going to be here for him, while I'm gone."

"He doesn't need me there. He has Sam."

Tony tried not to flinch away from that. The same logic he'd been using to convince himself it was okay to spend so much time in his lab and away from Bucky. It sounded pathetic coming from someone else. It was easy to see and tell off Steve for it, even though Tony was a hypocrite for doing so, since he had barely spent any time with the Little himself.

"Don't bullshit me, Rogers. He needs his daddy right now. If you can't be that for him, you should at the very least, let yourself drop, so you can be his brother." Tony said, without an ounce of sympathy.

Steve swallowed, and sighed heavily.

"Okay. You're right." He mumbled, staring at his feet.

"I know I am."

God, he wished it would be that easy for himself to accept. Snap at Steve once and the man is all but willing to admit his failures. Tony was never good at admitting he was anything but perfect, even if he didn't believe it on the inside. Maybe it was because he didn't belive it on the inside.

* * *

Sam opened the door and looked surprised to see Steve there with Tony. He schooled his expression quickly and smiled.

"Come in. Bucky will be glad you're _both_ here." Sam said, putting an emphasis on both.

Steve was nervous as they entered the apartment.

"How have you been, Steve?"

"Uh, soldiering through. You?"

Sam smiled sadly.

"You don't have to do it alone. You're always welcome here, Big or Little."

"Great reunion, but where's the munchkin? I've got big news." Tony interrupted.

Sam raised a brow, and lead them into the nursery. Bucky was wearing a snowflake tutu over his shorts and a striped shirt. He had a Frozen crown on his head, but his back was to them. His hand was walking Kristoff up the stairs of Elsa's palace. He'd gotten the Little Peoples set for Christmas.

"Hey, buddy. You've got visitors."

The Little turned and his eyes widened. He jumped up and ran straight to Steve.

"Daddy!"

Tony huffed.

"I spend all day with him and the moment you get home from work. You're all he cares about." Tony teased, dramatically, but he smiled as Steve lifted him into his arms.

As much as Steve felt like it was probably best to give Bucky space to sort out his feelings, now that he was starting to understand why what Steve did to him wasn't okay, he also felt relieved to see him. He couldn't stop himself from scooping him up and fawning over the boy.

"Hi, baby! Aren't you just the cutest Little I've ever seen?"

Bucky blushed, but nodded.

"I'm a princess, Daddy." He mumbled, hiding his face in Steve's neck.

"I see that, angel."

"Do I not get a hello then?" Tony said, mildy offended.

Bucky looked at him shyly.

"Hi, Papa."

Steve raised a brow at that and Tony grinned.

"So, kiddo, who do you like better, Daddy or Papa?"

Bucky shrugged, then whimpered when the movement made his injured shoulder hurt.

"Oh, poor baby." Steve said at the same time that Tony said. "Oh, you poor thing."

Sam chuckled slightly at the two men, and ushered them all out into the living room. He went to grab Bucky's pain meds.

"I've missed you, Buck." Steve admitted.

Bucky hummed as Steve sat down with him on his lap, leaning into him and nuzzling against him. His thumb went up to press passed his lips and Tony caught it. The toddler pouted at him.

Sam came in with meds and saw Tony holding Bucky's hand away from his mouth, so he snatched up one of Tony's pacifiers.

"Here, bud. Drink this down and then you can have a paci." Sam bribed him.

Bucky glared at the pill and turned his head away.

"Bucky, you need to listen to Sammy." Steve said, sternly.

"Don' wanna, Daddy." He whined.

"I know, but you need to be a good boy. Can you be a good boy for Sammy?"

"No." Bucky said, burying his face in Steve's chest.

"Bucky." Steve warned.

The boy just whined.

"Here. I've got this." Tony said.

He took the pill and sippy cup from Sam.

"Hey, baby. If you do this, you can come sleep at the tower tonight. Don't you wanna have a sleepover with your daddies tonight?"

Sam looked like he wanted to protest, but held his tongue when Bucky peered up at Tony through his eyelashes. He nodded.

"Then be a good boy and take your medicine."

"Okay, Papa. I good boy." He said and opened his mouth so Tony could pop the pill in.

Tony put the sippy cup up to his lips and Bucky sucked on it, swallowing down the pill.

"Good boy, baby."

"Wan' baba." Bucky said.

Tony raised a brow, but nodded. He stood up and went to make one.

Bucky was tucked in the crook of Steve's elbow, drinking his bottle, and Tony took the opportunity to pull Sam aside.

"So, I'm gonna be heading to Wakanda tomorrow. I'm going to leave first thing in the morning. Leo thinks someone there can help with Bucky's arm. I don't like to admit my limits, but I've hit a dead end. I'm hoping this lady can really help."

Sam put a hand on his shoulder.

"Do whatever you have to do, Tony. I'll support you no matter what you decide. You know that. Just don't forget you have a family here."

"I know I have a family here, Sam. I'm doing this for Bucky."

Sam pursed his lips. He tried hard not to judge his kids, but really it was hard for him to remain impartial all the time. Especially, when he was so close to the situation.

"Really, because you don't seem to be making him a priority."

Tony narrowed his eyes at the accusation.

"Of course, I am. I've spent countless hours working on his new arm." Tony rebutted.

Sam shook his head, and dropped his hand, crossing his arms over his chest.

"Well, I can count the number of hours you've spent with him on my hands, Tony."

"Steve hasn't even visited him, until now."

Sam scoffed in disbelief.

"That doesn't make it better, Tony. That makes it so much worse. He lost an arm, finally comes home, and you two are nowhere to be found. How do you think he's going to feel about all this. He has enough self-esteem issues, the last thing he needs is to question whether or not you guys still want him."

Tony frowned and tapped his fingers anxiously against his thigh. He didn't know what to say to that.

"I was there when he came home." He defended, rather pathetically.

"You didn't stay long. Look, I'm not trying to upset you. I'm looking out for my Little. Bucky needs you guys. I'll always be there for him, and I've been doing my best. I haven't worked since he came home, and I spend all of my time with the kid. That doesn't change the fact that he misses both of you. He misses his brothers, and his boyfriends."

Tony felt defensive, but only because he knew Sam was right.

"He's barely even been Big." He found himself muttering.

"And why do you think that is?"

"Because it's easier to be Little when life is stressful."

"That's part of it, but the few times he has managed to be Big, he comes back from the tower upset. Saying that Steve hates him and you're too busy for him. He's miserable, Tony. Yeah, being Little makes it easier, but he's not dealing with any of this. He's just running and hiding away from it. You all are. He hides here, Steve hides at church, and you hide in your lab. I don't know how to fix this. I don't think I can fix this. You guys need to come together and talk this through, and I'd be happy to help if that will make it easier. At the end of the day, though, you guys are going to have to put in the time and work. That's how a relationship works."

Tony sighed. He knew Sam was right. He couldn't deal with this now though. He didn't want to.

"I have to leave tomorrow. I'll get around to it when I get back." Tony said, in a dismissive tone, that conveyed his desire to be done with this conversation.

Sam leveled him a look that had Tony squirming with uncertainty.

"Let me ask you this, Tony. What good is having a new arm to Bucky, if he loses both of you in the process?"

Tony grimaced. He was glad when Bucky came running up.

"Hey, kiddo, what's up?"

"Come p'ay wif me, Papa!"

"Okay, kid."

Tony was glad to escape the all too real conversation. He didn't want to think about that right now. 

* * *

Steve held Bucky in his arms. The boy had been really sad when Tony told him he was leaving on a trip to go find answers for his new arm. So, Tony brought them to the grand music hall in the tower.

"I didn't even know this place existed." Steve said, staring at the room in awe.

Tony shrugged. It didn't get much use.

"Can you play Baby Shark, Papa?" Bucky asked.

He was rubbing his eyes, but he still looked excited at the prospect of Tony playing the piano. Neither him nor Steve knew Tony could play.

Both men cringed at the song suggestion. 

"How about I play you a lullaby? That way you can fall asleep in Daddy's arms, okay?"

Bucky sighed, but nodded his consent.

Tony sat down at the baby grand piano that sat up on a stage. The room was taller than it was wide, not to say it was a small room by any means. It took up almost a whole floor. Actually three, since it was so tall. The acoustics were top notch.

Tony's fingers played a couple of notes, darting over the keys as he fell back into it. He didn't play much, because it reminded him too much of his childhood. His mother had taught him to play, and his father had hated it. He didn't feel that arts was an appropriate activity for a boy. He felt that it was just a waste of time, for anyone, but certainly for a boy who should be using his mind and inventing things.

Tony swallowed down the lump in his throat and began to play 'lullaby' by sleeping at last. It wasn't a particularly hard song to play, nor was it something he learned as a child, but it was short and sweet. 

"Goodnight, goodnight  
It's time now to sleep  
The moon's watching over  
You and your dreams  
Goodnight, goodnight  
My sweet little one  
Tomorrow your eyes  
They will light up the sun  
  
But goodnight, goodnight  
Sweet dreams for now  
Drift off to sleep  
On your pillow of clouds  
Goodnight, goodnight  
My sweet little friend  
Tomorrow's adventures  
They will soon begin  
Tomorrow's adventures  
Will soon begin"

Despite the short length of the song, Bucky was passed out and drooling on Steve's shoulder, when it ended. His paci askew in his mouth. His lips slightly parted, and breathing softly out of his nose. His hair was tousled and his cheeks slightly flushed from the cold air they'd walked through to get here. The picture of innocence.

They brought him up to the penthouse and cuddled him up between them.

Neither of them said the words aloud, but they were both relieved to all be back together again.

* * *

"Hey, Tony!"

Tony turned on his heel, a brow raised.

Bucky had woken up Big, and they spent the morning cuddling together. They all knew they still had a lot to talk about, but they were happy to just enjoy the time together for the moment. None of them wanted to say anything that might ruin the moment.

Talking would have to wait, because Tony needed to head out.

"Tony?"

"What is it, babe?"

"Will you wait? There's something I want to do."

Tony furrowed his brows.

Bucky had been doing a lot of thinking about himself and who he was. About whether or not he respected himself, or even really understood what that meant. Losing your arm and almost dying, having your boyfriend contemplate how to create a fully functional prosthetic for you, and struggling with whether or not your codependant relationship with your other boyfriend was healthy, left him questioning just about everything.

He was feeling lost and confused, and the only thing he could think to do was to turn to God for help.

"Will you go to church with me?"

Tony frowned and opened his mouth to protest, then shut it again. He was kidding, right? Tony needed to go to Wakanda and find a way to give Bucky back what he'd lost, and he wanted him to go to church?

"Um, I'm gonna pass. But thanks? I mean I don't know what to say to that." Tony said, after a moment.

Bucky shook his head. He stood up and walked over, wrapping his arm around Tony's waist.

"Say you'll come. I need you and Stevie to be there for me. I need you both right now." He pleaded.

"Bucky, I have to go to Wakanda and-"

"No, you don't. I won't die without an arm, Tony. It's not super convenient, but that doesn't matter. I need this right now, and I want you to be there."

"I don't do church services, Bucky. It's not me."

"I know and I'm not asking you to believe in something you don't or to pray or anything like that. Stevie prays enough for all of us, anyways. I don't even pray that often. It doesn't feel necessary. But I did pray in the hospital, and I prayed when you and Steve weren't talking before Christmas. Now, I find myself praying again, because everything's so hard right now. I was Little and I felt helpless. I hate that feeling. I did the only thing I could think of doing and that was to get down on my knees and ask God to help us, when I laid awake at night unable to sleep, because it felt like we were so far apart."

Tony pursed his lips. He really just wanted to get in his jet, go to Wakanda and give Bucky the arm that he deserves. The arm that Tony had convinced himself would fix everything. He sighed, looking at Bucky's pleading expression. If this is what his boyfriend wanted, he could do it, just this once.

"Fine, but don't expect me to make a habit of it."

"Wouldn't dream of it. Let's go get Steve before he takes off without us."

Tony looked confused, and Bucky laughed.

"It's Sunday morning, Tony. Steve's already planning to go to services. Not to mention, he pretty much lives in the pews these days."

"Does he really go every Sunday?"

"When he's Big? Yeah. It's kinda annoying. He's practically a saint or some shit."

"You can't say saint in the same sentence as shit. I'm certain that's blasphemy." Tony said, sounding mock appalled.

He put his hand dramatically over his heart, and Bucky rolled his eyes.

"And I'm certain that you should shut up."

* * *

Tony left the service before it was finished, but Bucky wasn't mad. He knew Tony was bored out of his mind and he just appreciated that he was willing to come in the first place.

"Are you okay, sweetheart?" Steve asked.

"Yeah, I'm just gonna pray for a bit." 

Bucky really felt like he needed some time alone with God to work out the confusion he had swirling around inside of him. Steve nodded and pressed a kiss to his head.

"Of course. I'm just gonna go check on Tony."

Steve found him sitting on the half wall outside the church, a coffee in his hand and two more in a drink tray next to him.

"Is one of those for me, or did the service just about put you to sleep?"

Tony smiled and handed him one.

"It wasn't as bad as I thought it'd be?"

"Yeah?" Steve said, surprised.

"It wasn't my thing, but I didn't completely hate it. The music was good, if a little jesus-y for my taste."

Steve hummed in response, sitting down on the wall and taking a sip of the hot liquid. They didn't say anything for a moment, the sounds of the city filling the space around them.

"What are you thinking about?" Steve said at last.

"What makes you think I'm thinking about something?"

"Because you're you."

"I'm not always thinking." Tony scoffed, in feign annoyance.

"Oh yeah? Does your brain shut down when you're sleeping?

"No, it does not, but I'll have you know, it does briefly during and directly following an orgasm."

Steve rolled his eyes, but smirked at his partner.

"So are you gonna tell me, or just avoid answering? I can practically see the gears turning in your head, Tony."

Tony sighed and looked up at the cloudy sky.

"Maybe, I could admit, that I don't know everything. So, I can't say for certain, that this God of yours doesn't exist. Though it's highly improbable that he does."

Steve laughed and shook his head at him.

"That's what you're thinking about it?" Steve said, honestly surprised.

"Yeah, it is."

"What changed your mind?"

"Well, it wasn't that preacher, I can tell you that. I was practically asleep on Bucky's shoulder, when he told me I didn't have to stay for the whole thing. "

Steve snorted.

"Then, what was it?" He asked, glancing curiously at Tony.

"It was you and Bucky. Your faith in something you have absolutely no proof of, is, well, unnerving. It has me questioning things, I've never questioned before. Even Bucky, who doesn't really seem to care that much about religion, turned to it in his time of need."

"So, what exactly are you admitting here, Tony. Are you saying you're a man of God now?" Steve said teasingly.

"Hell no! That's definitely not what I'm saying."

Steve laughed, before sipping his coffee. They sat in silence for a while, just drinking their coffees. Both lost in thought.

"I guess, what I'm saying is-" Tony said, suddenly, cutting off at the sight of Bucky exiting the church doors.

Bucky came up and joined them on the half wall. Tony handed him a coffee.

"What are we talking about?"

"Tony's new found beliefs." Steve said, with a smirk.

Bucky raised a brow at Tony.

"No, we're not." Tony denied.

"Really? Then what are we talking about?" Steve asked, a teasing smirk playing on his lips.

Tony rolled his eyes and ignored him, turning to Bucky instead.

"Bucky, you know how you told me you knew I was an Atheist? Yesterday, I would have been inclined to agree with you. Now, I think maybe I'm closer to Agnostic."

"Whatever you say, Stark."

"Shut up, Barnes."

Steve grinned at the two men he loved. He really didn't care what their beliefs were, as long as they were by his side. Sure, he wouldn't deny that it'd be nice if they could all go to church together, but Steve was happy just to have them here with him again. He didn't need anything from them, that they weren't willing to give him.

"You guys don't really believe in all of this reincarnation crap though, right?" Tony asked them after a couple of moments in silence.

Bucky shrugged, and Steve shot him a don't-even-start-with-me sort of look. Tony shook his head in disbelief. Of course they did. He shouldn't be surprised. Even though they denied it when they were Big, the two Littles clearly still believed in Santa Claus.

* * *

"So tell me about this person we're going to meet." Tony said to Leo.

They were seated on some of the comfiest plane seats that money could buy, but Tony was tense and he knew he wouldn't be able to relax anytime soon. He still hadn't told Bucky, Steve, or Sam the real reason for this trip. He didn't want to mention a potentially life threatening surgery, unless he was one hundred percent sure this was even really a possibility. 

"We're going to meet the Head Director of the Science-"

"Yeah, I got that part. Tell me something I don't know, kid."

"Her name's Shuri, she's young, but she's the best there is."

Tony narrowed his eyes.

"How young?"

"Sixteen, sir."

Tony gritted his teeth.

"I'm going to kill you, Fitz. I can't believe I let you drag me into this. I should turn this plane around right now."

"Just wait until you meet her. Hear her out. You'll be impressed, I promise." Leo begged.

Tony glared at him.

"I swear. If this turns out to be a waste of my time, I will kill you myself."

Leo gulped.

"It won't be. You'll see." He said, but his voice shook slightly under Tony's glare.


	2. Chapter 2

"So, you're the head of this department?"

"Surprised?"

"I was a genius as a child, but I was still stupid in a lot of ways. So, you understand why I'm wary of putting such a dangerous surgery in your hands."

Shuri nodded. She pulled up a holographic screen. Tony eyed it. It seemed even more impressive than his own, which wasn't an easy thing for him to admit.

"I understand your concerns, but I can assure you, this is something I'm capable of doing."

Tony raised a brow at her.

"Are you telling me you've connected arms to people's spines before?"

The teenage girl laughed.

"No, but I have worked on spinal injuries before and I've been quite successful. I've never paralyzed anyone before, which I'm sure is your main concern. Given the adequate amount of time, I will be able to do this surgery."

"How long do you think it will take you?"

"A couple of hours, at least. It's quite complex. Dealing with the spinal cord is no laughing matter, Mr.Stark. I will need a few days to create him an arm."

"I'm creating him an arm. I've created multiple prototypes already."

"I'm aware. Mr.Fitz has sent me the schematics for all forty-two of them. They won't do for this. It will need to be made specifically with this surgery in mind. You're welcome to stay while I work on it and give your input. I hear you are one of the best inventors in the Americas."

Tony wanted to argue that he was the best in the world, but as much as it hurt his ego to admit, he was starting to think that perhaps this girl had something on him. He wasn't quite ready to relinquish his crown, but there was something about this girl that told him she was capable of this. Maybe it was the way she talked or the sharp look in her eye. This whole place was clearly far more high tech than New York.

"Fine. I'll stick around. I'd like to have Dr.Banner and Fitz' colleague brought out here, as well."

Shuri studied him for a moment, before nodding.

"I will have to get permission from my brother." 

She turned and left. A woman, she looked like a warrior, led them out of the room.

"Call Banner and Simmons. Assuming it's approved, I want them both here as soon as possible, so have them on standby." Tony said to Leo.

"Of course, Mr.Stark."

Leo turned to walk away, his phone already in his hand.

"Oh, and Fitz?" Tony called after him. 

"Yes, sir?" He asked, pausing.

"You did good."

Leo grinned.

As it turns out, they didn't get permission to start right away, as Tony had been hoping. They were told they could return with their two colleagues next week.

Tony was frustrated.

He didn't want to wait. He did take the time to see Shuri working in her lab before they headed out, and he was thoroughly impressed with her skills.

He half wanted to pull Peter along, just for the experience.

Maybe another time.

* * *

"We're glad your back, Tony."

Tony smiled and kissed Steve.

"Thanks, love."

"So, it went well, then?" Bucky asked.

Tony pulled Bucky in for a hug. The man looked nervous.

"Hey, I promise everything's going to be great. The specialist I met with, Shuri, is phenomenal. She's going to help us make you an arm that's even more impressive than the one you were born with." Tony teased.

Bucky smiled slightly.

"Okay. I trust you."

"Damn right. 'Cause I don't half ass anything."

Tony's confidence dwindled away and he fidgeted nervously.

He knew Sam was right. They really needed to talk this through. In a way, Tony could be a mediator for these too. He wasn't necessarily unbiased. He definitely leaned more towards Bucky on this matter, but he wasn't as close to it as they were.

He sighed and slumped down on the couch.

He didn't really want do this, but he did want to clear the air.

"We need to talk."

Steve and Bucky shared a worried look, but took a seat on either side of Tony.

"Tony, I'm sorry. I know this has been hard on you." Steve said.

"Damn right, it has been, but it's been harder on you two. You guys need go hash this out, so we can get through this. I don't want our pasts to hold us back."

Steve bit his lip and looked down.

"This is all my fault. I lost control."

"Yeah, I agree. Bucky?"

Steve cringed and Bucky sighed, resigned to the fact that he'd have to talk about this.

"I was upset. I'm not thrilled with what happened. Maybe that's a bit of an understatement, but I don't know. It sucked. This, us not talking, sucked. Everything sucks right now. I just need you guys, now more than ever, and I hate that there's this distance. I kinda feel like I'm looking through a barrier. Seeing you both, but unable to get close. It's shitty, and I hate it."

Steve swallowed. He thought of seeing Bucky through that damn window after his surgery. When he was still asleep and strapped down to the table, but Steve was Little and they wouldn't let him in the room. In a way, it almost felt like he was still standing out there and he wasn't allowed to enter.

"I don't blame you for what happened, Stevie. It's hard not to blame myself either, but going to church helped. I feel like I have clarity for the first time in a longtime. I see your point of view. I understand that you're ashamed, because you know it was wrong. I understand that I shouldn't be so quick to just take the blame for someone else's actions, when it's not my fault. What I don't want to do is sit here and play the blame game. We both had issues. We both have issues, but we go to therapy every month and we're trying to be better. We are better now, than we were then. We're in a better place. We have Sam and Tony. We're not alone anymore. We were, in a lot of ways, alone back then."

Steve's eyes watered.

They had been alone, and it had been so hard. His heart clenched as Bucky laid their pain out on the table.

"We had eachother, but we were so isolated. Just us and our minds. The pain and trauma of war and our pasts, in general, haunted our waking hours. We went to sleep and we had nightmares. Before Sam, I even had horrible nightmares when I was Little. I was aggressive when I was awake. My nightmares were violent. I came up swinging more often than not, when you tried to comfort me. You were suppressing your need to be Little, and trying to ignore your own trauma, so you could focus on me. It was just all around a bad place for both of us to be." Bucky finished.

He glanced up at his partners. Tony was choked up and trying not to cry. Steve was crying, a hand over his eyes, his head down. Tony wrapped an arm around each of them. This all happened before he ever met them, but he couldn't help but feel like he should have known that they struggled so much before they found Sam. It wasn't shocking given they were two Littles, completely reliant on eachother, and fresh out of the war.

Tony cleared his throat. He was trying to think of what Sam would say or do in this instance. It would be really helpful, if Sam was here for this.

"Well, Steve, do you, um, have anything to say to that?"

"I'm so sorry. God, I'm so sorry." Steve sobbed.

Bucky stood up, and pulled Steve's hand away from his face. His eyes were red and glassy. He looked awful. There were dark circles under his eyes like he hadn't been sleeping much for weeks, which made sense. Bucky climbed into his lap. His arm clutched at Steve's shirt, wrapping up in the fabric. Steve's arms wrapped around him and they cried in eachothers arms.

Tony watched from the side. He let them have this moment. They really needed it. He wiped at his own eyes, trying not to break down himself. 

"I'm so sorry, Buck."

"I know, Stevie. I know. Just, don't ever leave me again. I hate it when we're not talking. Almost as much as I hate it when you and Tony aren't talking."

Steve nodded.

"I should have been there for you. When you got out of the hospital. I should have been there. I was telling myself I was staying away for you, but I was just hiding from it all."

"I know. I was hiding too. I realize that I only started this, brought it up again, because I needed something to distract me. Our past was easier to focus on, because it's over. I already know the outcome. You cry and feel bad, and I forgive you for it. What I couldn't handle was the not knowing. The current pain. Losing my arm. Falling off that train. This, I don't know how it ends. It scares me, Stevie. I'm scared when I think about it. Being mad at you was easier than facing the unknown. It's not logical, but it's how I chose to handle it. Or rather, to not handle it."

"I'm scared too, Bucky. I don't know what's gonna happen. I felt like I died when you fell from that train. I felt like I lost a part of me, when you lost your arm. I was eager to run away from this. To hide. It was shitty, though. I don't want to hide away from you, Buck. I'm with ya 'till the end of the line."

Bucky laughed and smiled a wobbly smile. His eyes were wet and he sniffed, trying to not burst out into tears again.

"I love you, Stevie."

I love you, too, Bucky."

Tony smiled at them. He gave them another minute to stare sappily into eachothers eyes, before cutting in.

"I hate to interrupt, but you're both idiots. I know exactly how this ends." Tony said, with all the certainty he could muster.

Bucky frowned at Tony, and Steve raised his brow in question.

"I'm going to give you a new arm. We're all going to stay together, and live happily ever after. Ride off into the sunset or some shit. Maybe have a wedding and wave rainbow flags." 

Tony shrugged.

"Everything's going to be just fine." He finished.

They both stared at him.

"You wanna get married?" Bucky asked.

"That's what I heard." Steve said, nodding.

Tony face palmed.

"That's not what I said. Is that really all you took out of that?"

"That and happy ever after." Bucky confirmed.

Steve laughed and kissed Bucky. Tony rolled his eyes at his partners and stood up.

"Okay, well it's late. I don't know about you guys, but I'm tired."

Bucky pulled away from Steve, grinning.

"We should go celebrate."

"No. No celebrating. We should go to sleep. There is nothing to celebrate." Tony objected.

"Really, because I'm pretty sure you just proposed. Did you hear that too, Stevie?"

"I sure did, Buck. And the answer is yes, Tony."

Tony huffed. They were teasing him and he felt all flustered.

"I- Shut up. That's not what happened. You misheard. I'm going to sleep now."

They dressed for bed, brushed their teeth and curled up in bed. Bucky and Steve surrounding Tony.

"Why am I in the middle? I feel like we should be cuddling Bucky."

"I am cuddling." Bucky said.

"You're always in the middle." Steve reasoned, at the same time.

"No, I'm not. I wasn't last night."

"Exactly. I got the middle last night, now it's your turn, doll."

Tony huffed.

"Besides, we want to cuddle our fiance." Steve said.

"You'll make a great housewife, Tony." Bucky added.

Good god. Tony regretted saying that. They weren't gonna leave him alone now.

"That's not what happened." Tony grumbled. "I'm not marrying either of you. You're both assholes."

They just laughed.

Tony huffed in annoyance, but cuddled closer to Bucky. Steve moved closer, so he was pressed up against his back. Tony couldn't deny how right this felt, having all three of them back together again.

* * *

Tony was warm when he woke up, snug in between his two partners. He shifted. Then he froze. There was a wetness, that he was all too familiar with. Shit. This hadn't happened to him while he was sleeping with Steve or Bucky before. He reached down to touch his crotch and felt the wet spot there. It was selfish, but he kinda wished it was one of them, even though he knew it wasn't.

Tony squirmed in their arms.

"Go back to sleep, Tony." Steve grumbled.

Tony whimpered. Shit, shit, shit. Please let this not be real. Let this be just a really bad nightmare. He was awake though, and he had just wet the bed and peed on his boyfriends. He sucked in an unsteady breath. His head felt heavy and his heart was racing. Suddenly he was gasping for air. Shit, shit, shit.

"Tony, are you okay?" Steve asked. 

Steve was spooning him, and couldn't see the panic on his face, but he could hear that Tony was hyperventilating.

"Tony? Dammit, Bucky wake up!"

No, no, no. The last thing Tony needed was the both of them awake. Oh God, this was so humiliating.

"Wha? Stevie?" Bucky mumbled, his eyes blinking open.

"Breath, Tony. Everything's fine. We're right here."

Tony shook his head. Everything was not fine, and them being here was not helping the situation. Oh god, he was mortified. They were going to notice. There was no way they wouldn't notice.

"Uh, Steve? I think I know what the problem is." Bucky said.

Tony started sobbing. This might be the most humiliating thing that's ever happened to him. Maybe. He couldn't even claim alcohol as the cause.

"What?"

Steve hadn't noticed the wet bed, he was rubbing Tony's sternum, trying to coax him into breathing evenly.

"You should take Tony to the shower."

"What? I don't think water's gonna help this situation, Buck."

It was a known fact, that Tony wasn't a fan of water on his face. He did take showers though, he just didn't put his face under the spray. He wasn't a huge fan of bathes, either. He had gotten more use to them, since he started spending more time with Sam. He was okay with bathes, as long as he wasn't left alone.

"Then give him a bath. I'd scoop him up, but I only have one arm."

Steve cringed, and stood up. He shivered when the air hit his wet pants. Wait. He pulled back the blankets. Yup, definitely wet. Shit.

"Oh." Steve said, understanding dawning on him.

Tony whined and curled in on himself. Bucky brushed a hand through his hair.

"Steve. Now."

Steve rushed to scoop Tony up and pull him out of the wet bed. Bucky stripped the sheets and dumped all of the bedding onto the floor. It was a bit challenging to remove the soiled sheets, but he managed. He left the bedding on the ground and went into bathroom.

Tony was sitting naked in the bath. The tub was filling up with water around him. He looked miserable. Steve had his clothes in his hands and nodded at Bucky, leaving the room. Bucky struggled out of his clothes. Dressing and undressing was much more challenging with only one arm. He joined Tony, when he finally managed to free himself of his pyjama bottoms and t-shirt.

Tony flinched away from him.

Bucky just continued to lower himself into the tub behind him, then pulled him against his chest. Tony pouted, but turned and buried his face in Bucky's chest. He was horrified that he'd wet the bed. Though he should have known it would happen. He'd been doing so good about staying dry when he was Big, but that was before he started to spend every waking hour in the lab.

Sam said it was probably because he consistently spent time being Little. His body and his mind had been more stable than they had been in a long time, then he had stopped taking care of himself and ignored his need to drop. He understood why he had started wetting himself when he was Big again. That didn't make it less embarrassing.

Bucky rubbed his back and kissed his head.

"Hey, it's okay. It's not a big deal, love."

Tony sincerely disagreed.

"It's disgusting." He mumbled.

"It's not. I mean it's not great, but I mean, you don't need to be embarrassed. I understand why you are though. I've peed on Steve so many times, and I'm still horrified everytime."

"You have?"

"Yeah. So many times, that we have a plastic cover on our bed."

Tony frowned. He was pretty sure that was a lie. He looked up at Bucky, narrowing his eyes.

"No, you don't. I was there Christmas day, remember?" Tony accused.

Bucky blushed.

"Yeah, but that was planned. I made Steve promise to take it off, since I was Little. I just-" Bucky cut off.

"You were embarrassed."

"Yeah, but I mean, I'm not saying you can't or won't be embarrassed. I'm just saying that we don't mind. We're happy to take care of you, Tony."

Steve was standing in the doorway and they glanced up, when he stepped further into the room.

"Yeah, and we're still gonna marry you, even if you pee on us." Steve teased.

Tony groaned.

"I hate you. I'm not marrying you."

"Fine, we'll just have to ditch him and run away to Las Vegas, babe." Bucky said.

Tony rolled his eyes.

"I swear, if you guys don't drop this, I'm filing for a divorce." 

They laughed at him and Tony huffed, a small smile playing at his lips. Bucky kissed him and Steve brushed a hand through his hair.

"Fair enough, doll." Bucky murmured against his lips.

"I'm serious though. Drop it."

His boyfriends shared an amused look over his head, but Tony didn't see it. He let his head fall onto Bucky's shoulder, and snuggled up in his arms.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> In case anyone's wondering, no they're not getting married. It's not out of the question for the distant future, but right now they have a lot of working shit out to do. Also, Tony's only been dating them for a couple of months, so it's really just way to soon imo
> 
> As always, thanks for reading, leaving kudos and commenting!
> 
> Your guys support means the world to me!
> 
> You can always chat with me about the series or leave asks on my tumblr @BuckyBearDreams


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